Before I launch into my review, you should know that I have a deep personal interest in work-life balance and a professional interest in work-life policy. I think that makes me both an overly biased and skeptical reviewer. I read an excerpt of Overwhelmed: Work, Love, and Play When No One Has the Time by Brigid Schulte in a magazine a few months after having a baby, and as I thought about my reentry to work, this seemed like the perfect tome to inspire finding and making time for the components of my life.
I really liked this book.
I also learned a few things about time management and living a full life:
1. We all approach balance differently. It is okay to mix family with work and work with family. It is also okay to create boundaries between work and home. There is no right or wrong way if it is working for you. In previous jobs, I never wanted to mix work with home. I disdained working at home and didn't check email on my cell phone. At my current job, I do check email from my cell phone. And despite my previous objections, a day working from home allows me to spend two additional hours with my daughter, as it eliminates my commute to work. Those two hours make a world of difference.
2. A true partner--whatever that might mean in your family--is essential. My partner is my husband, but Schulte writes of the importance alloparents in sharing childcare responsibilities. Whether you look to a parents, friends or paid caregivers, a mom doesn't have to do all of the child rearing, and for that matter, cooking, cleaning, life planning, etc. My husband and I never approached housework and childcare with traditional gender roles in mind. He likes to cook, so he does most of the cooking (the alternative would be eating a lot of salads). I like to bake, so I make sure that our freezer is always stocked with cookies and other baked goods. He works fewer hours and is usually home one day a week, so he does laundry while many of our neighbors are at work and the machines are empty. I fold the laundry and put our daughter's clothes away. While reading the section of Overwhelmed about love, I felt incredibly lucky to have a husband who shares in housework and childcare.
3. Embrace flexibility in the workplace. I already knew this one, but Schulte reinforced how important it is to value productivity over face time. There is no need to be the ideal worker who arrives to work early each day and frequently stays late. Since having my daughter, I make every effort to leave my office at 5:00 pm unless there is a meeting or program that requires my presence. If there is more work to be done, I can do it at home after she goes to sleep (see #1). Schulte presented case study after case study about how workplaces have allowed for unique schedules, and in one example, children at work. Each employer needs to determine how best to integrate flexible policies (for example, a receptionist or a barista cannot work remotely), but I know that this is a value for me at any place I seek employment.
4. Use your vacation time. This seems fairly simple, except for the fact that many Americans don't use all of their vacation time (myself included). Americans may be the most productive workers, but that is only because we work more hours!
5. Denmark seems like a pretty cool place to live in terms of not being overwhelmed. I'll let you read the book to better understand this one, but Schulte makes life in Denmark so appealing that she ends her chapter on Denmark with a few paragraphs of why the country is indeed not perfect.
Balance has always been important to me, but it has taken on a new meaning since I have had a child. If I work late, she will not see me until the next morning. My job often requires that I work late, so I as look forward to the fall when my evening work responsibilities increase, the seesaw of work and family will inevitably tilt toward work. But I guess that is the thing with maintaining balance: sometimes the seesaw tips. My goal as I venture further into the world of motherhood is to lean in to the tips on both the work and the family sides but to make sure that the seesaw never lands in one position for too long.
Sunday, July 20, 2014
Sunday, July 13, 2014
Birth and Parenting Prep: Part 2
Read Birth and Parenting Prep: Part 1 here.
Like many new FTMs (first-time mom--abbreviation borrowed from the mommy message boards. I highly recommend a visit to the mommy message board universe for both information and entertainment. If you do not find mommy message boards funny, you might not be the right audience for this blog.), I contributed financially to the lucrative parenting prep industry. Most of the books and classes I used to learn about the unknown universes of pregnancy, birth and child rearing had some value. During pregnancy, I knew what not to eat and why. I had a pretty good sense of what to expect with labor and birth especially given the fact that you can't expect anything. As for the actual baby, well, most of that has been learned on the job with advice from the pediatrician, others moms and The Baby Center sprinkled in.
Here goes Part 2 of my birth and parenting prep reviews beginning with the biggest waste of time and money of all my prep. For my very sophisticated rating scale, check out Part 1.
Class: NYU Langone Medial Center Prenatal Breastfeeding Class
While pregnant, I heard from several new breastfeeding moms that they wished they had taken a breastfeeding class while pregnant. NYU's Parent Education Program gives anyone who signs up for a parenting prep class a discount on the breastfeeding class, so it seemed like a no-brainer. At almost 38 weeks pregnant, I rushed out of work to make to make the 6 pm class only to arrive to an overly crowded room with 20 to 30 women and a few men. I was a few minutes late, but I had not missed a thing as the instructor, a lactation consultant and nurse about whom my birth class instructor raved, spent about an hour an a half telling us why to breastfeed. I had not dragged my exhausted self to midtown to pay someone to tell me about the benefits of breastfeeding and terrors of formula. When the instructor finally began to instruct, she prefaced her lesson with the fact that there is very little she can actually show us without an actual nursing baby present (I hear this, but then why offer the course?). She talked about latching and showed us a few photos, which was somewhat helpful, but when a woman asked about pumping, she said that topic would not be covered in this class and that we shouldn't even consider the pump for at least a month. There was no discussion of mastitis, sore nipples (because apparently if your baby latches correctly, your nipples will never be sore), hospital grade pumps, supplementing or what to do when ones' milk comes in. She left us with the number for the NYU breastfeeding support line and then proceeded to take questions long past the class' two and a half hour scheduled time allotment. (I did call the NYU breastfeeding support line, and it took 12 hours for a lactation consultant to return my call. In newborn baby land, 12 hours is an eternity.) I did struggle with breastfeeding, which I am sure increases my resentment towards this class and its instructor (yes, this is a rant), but immediately after the class, more than two weeks before I gave birth, I complained to my husband, colleagues and my OBGYN's office about how worthless the class was. Mostly because it was a waste of time and money during a period when I could use the extra time and money the most. I have a lot of good things to say about NYU (the the hospital and university), but the Violets/Bobcats really let me down this time.
Verdict: Skip it (perhaps other hospitals and organizations offer better classes?)
Class: North Shore-LIJ Friends and Family Infant CPR
My husband and didn't make it to an infant CPR class until after our daughter was born, but I am glad we found time for this class. (Before she was born, we watched a few online videos about how to administer infant CPR.) The most helpful part of the class was being able to practice giving CPR to an infant-sized dummy. Other than that, the rest of the class was very similar to the online videos we watched with the exception of being able to ask questions of the instructors. The class took place in a too-small room (what is it with these classes and their too-small spaces), where the instructors walked us through CPR and choking by showing an instructional video on a maybe 15 inch laptop screen. I would have preferred the instructors actually teaching the class, but at the very least, North Shore-LIJ could have arranged for a larger screen. Oy! That said, the class allowed be to practice a life-saving skill that I never want to use. And for that, the class was 100% worthwhile.
Verdict: A Must. The dummy makes all of the difference.
Book: The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack
I read this book before it could be of much help, so I don't feel I can review its technique just yet. I finished the book when my daughter was a week or two shy of three months, and the authors advised using its techniques on babies who are at least four months old and 15 pounds. I am a proponent of parents getting as much sleep as possible, which requires babies getting as much sleep as possible. The Sleepeasy Solution advocated for gentle sleep training. There will be some tears but also comforting. The book offered helpful information about how many hours my child should be sleeping, when to begin scheduling naps and ideas for a bedtime routine. The authors are a bit redundant and a little too sweet (suggesting a pint of ice cream to make it through the cries. I hear you, but no need to mention the ice cream more than once. It was cute the first time). We still aren't ready to sleep train, but if we do, perhaps I will write about it. In the meantime, I will keep this book on-hand as a resource.
Verdict: A Must. Maybe just wait until three and a half months or you are ready to sleep train to read it.
We also bought The Happiest Baby on the Block by Havey Karp. I only read a few pages (about the fourth trimester theory--fascinating), but my husband read it and found it helpful. We definitely buy into his five-S's--our daughter is still swaddled, uses a pacifier and we are all about the shhh's and Sleep Sheep.
The best prep for my labor and birth was our doula, who I will write about in a future post. She was awesome!
Like many new FTMs (first-time mom--abbreviation borrowed from the mommy message boards. I highly recommend a visit to the mommy message board universe for both information and entertainment. If you do not find mommy message boards funny, you might not be the right audience for this blog.), I contributed financially to the lucrative parenting prep industry. Most of the books and classes I used to learn about the unknown universes of pregnancy, birth and child rearing had some value. During pregnancy, I knew what not to eat and why. I had a pretty good sense of what to expect with labor and birth especially given the fact that you can't expect anything. As for the actual baby, well, most of that has been learned on the job with advice from the pediatrician, others moms and The Baby Center sprinkled in.
Here goes Part 2 of my birth and parenting prep reviews beginning with the biggest waste of time and money of all my prep. For my very sophisticated rating scale, check out Part 1.
Class: NYU Langone Medial Center Prenatal Breastfeeding Class
While pregnant, I heard from several new breastfeeding moms that they wished they had taken a breastfeeding class while pregnant. NYU's Parent Education Program gives anyone who signs up for a parenting prep class a discount on the breastfeeding class, so it seemed like a no-brainer. At almost 38 weeks pregnant, I rushed out of work to make to make the 6 pm class only to arrive to an overly crowded room with 20 to 30 women and a few men. I was a few minutes late, but I had not missed a thing as the instructor, a lactation consultant and nurse about whom my birth class instructor raved, spent about an hour an a half telling us why to breastfeed. I had not dragged my exhausted self to midtown to pay someone to tell me about the benefits of breastfeeding and terrors of formula. When the instructor finally began to instruct, she prefaced her lesson with the fact that there is very little she can actually show us without an actual nursing baby present (I hear this, but then why offer the course?). She talked about latching and showed us a few photos, which was somewhat helpful, but when a woman asked about pumping, she said that topic would not be covered in this class and that we shouldn't even consider the pump for at least a month. There was no discussion of mastitis, sore nipples (because apparently if your baby latches correctly, your nipples will never be sore), hospital grade pumps, supplementing or what to do when ones' milk comes in. She left us with the number for the NYU breastfeeding support line and then proceeded to take questions long past the class' two and a half hour scheduled time allotment. (I did call the NYU breastfeeding support line, and it took 12 hours for a lactation consultant to return my call. In newborn baby land, 12 hours is an eternity.) I did struggle with breastfeeding, which I am sure increases my resentment towards this class and its instructor (yes, this is a rant), but immediately after the class, more than two weeks before I gave birth, I complained to my husband, colleagues and my OBGYN's office about how worthless the class was. Mostly because it was a waste of time and money during a period when I could use the extra time and money the most. I have a lot of good things to say about NYU (the the hospital and university), but the Violets/Bobcats really let me down this time.
Verdict: Skip it (perhaps other hospitals and organizations offer better classes?)
Class: North Shore-LIJ Friends and Family Infant CPR
My husband and didn't make it to an infant CPR class until after our daughter was born, but I am glad we found time for this class. (Before she was born, we watched a few online videos about how to administer infant CPR.) The most helpful part of the class was being able to practice giving CPR to an infant-sized dummy. Other than that, the rest of the class was very similar to the online videos we watched with the exception of being able to ask questions of the instructors. The class took place in a too-small room (what is it with these classes and their too-small spaces), where the instructors walked us through CPR and choking by showing an instructional video on a maybe 15 inch laptop screen. I would have preferred the instructors actually teaching the class, but at the very least, North Shore-LIJ could have arranged for a larger screen. Oy! That said, the class allowed be to practice a life-saving skill that I never want to use. And for that, the class was 100% worthwhile.
Verdict: A Must. The dummy makes all of the difference.
Book: The Sleepeasy Solution: The Exhausted Parent's Guide to Getting Your Child to Sleep from Birth to Age by Jennifer Waldburger and Jill Spivack
I read this book before it could be of much help, so I don't feel I can review its technique just yet. I finished the book when my daughter was a week or two shy of three months, and the authors advised using its techniques on babies who are at least four months old and 15 pounds. I am a proponent of parents getting as much sleep as possible, which requires babies getting as much sleep as possible. The Sleepeasy Solution advocated for gentle sleep training. There will be some tears but also comforting. The book offered helpful information about how many hours my child should be sleeping, when to begin scheduling naps and ideas for a bedtime routine. The authors are a bit redundant and a little too sweet (suggesting a pint of ice cream to make it through the cries. I hear you, but no need to mention the ice cream more than once. It was cute the first time). We still aren't ready to sleep train, but if we do, perhaps I will write about it. In the meantime, I will keep this book on-hand as a resource.
Verdict: A Must. Maybe just wait until three and a half months or you are ready to sleep train to read it.
We also bought The Happiest Baby on the Block by Havey Karp. I only read a few pages (about the fourth trimester theory--fascinating), but my husband read it and found it helpful. We definitely buy into his five-S's--our daughter is still swaddled, uses a pacifier and we are all about the shhh's and Sleep Sheep.
The best prep for my labor and birth was our doula, who I will write about in a future post. She was awesome!
Sunday, July 6, 2014
Birth and Parenting Prep: Part 1
I'm back at work, which means spending as many non-work hours as possible with my daughter and less time with my computer. So much for becoming a regular blogger! Every now and then, I will pop in to share my experiences. Mostly as a record for me (and perhaps my daughter, one day), but also for anyone who cares to stop by The Weekly Salad (all three of you!).
With my daughter napping next to me and a banana bread in the oven (apparently since having a baby, the only thing I bake is banana bread. . .three times in less than four months), I will finish this post I started over a month ago after participating in an infant CPR class. Of all of the books and classes I used to help me prepare for pregnancy, birth and child-rearing, the CPR class was most helpful primarily because it allowed me to practice a technique that I never want to use on an infant dummy.
I am learning about this whole parenting thing on the job, which makes a lot of sense when one considers that babies are all so different. And so is pregnancy and so is birth. A few months into motherhood, I can confidently say that I over-prepared for something that there is no real way to prepare for. Like any good type-A individual, I was not about to launch myself into the unknowns of birth and parenting without preparation. My husband and I procured a few books, signed up for some classes and interviewed doulas. Some of the prep was helpful, and some, not so much. Based on my experience, here are my "reviews" of the books and classes. The doula needs her own post, but (spoiler alert) she was amazing and an important part of my birth experience.
Disclaimer: my reviews of the classes are specific to the content and the instructor. The same content with a different instructor may have been a more or less worthwhile experience. These are just my opinions; take them for what you will.
As a highly detail-oriented individual, I determined that the best order for my reviews is the order in which I experienced these various preparations. (At first I considered categorizing alphabetically, into books and classes, by pregnancy and postpartum. . .I hope you are enjoying this window into my brain.) I've rated each book or class on a highly sophisticated three-point scale of "a must," "eh" and "skip it."
Book: Expecting Better by Emily Oster
Early in my pregnancy, my husband sent me a link to Emily Oster's blog on Slate. Oster, an economist, approached pregnancy like an economist. She evaluated various studies and even a gynecological text book and presented the data in clear, non-medical terms. Oster turned the premise of the blog into a book, where she shares data on everything from drinking to epidurals, alongside her own experiences and decisions. I found Oster's book incredibly helpful. As a rule follower, I wanted rules for my pregnancy and birth, but every source--be it my doctors (I went to a practice with five OBs with five different opinions), books or the good old internet--disagreed on the how-it-is-supposed-to-be's. Expecting Better broke down the data from which the rules arise, and I found that helpful in the Wild West of pregnancy and birth. This book was a good starting point for pregnancy and birth prep. It gave me the lay of the land for this nine month plus a lifetime journey I was embarking on. Now, if Oster would only write a book on newborns and parenting.
Verdict: A Must
Book: The Dad's Playbook to Labor & Birth: A Practical and Strategic Guide to Preparing for the Big Day by Theresa and Brad Halvorsen
My husband was gifted this book by friends who already had two children and used the book. Clearly, they were in the know. While the book is technically for dads, I had a first go at the book. And boy, did I learn a few things. For example, what is a mucus plug and when should I expect to see one. I hadn't even heard the term "mucus plug" before reading this book. The Halvorsens guide was especially helpful to me because I knew very little about labor and birth at the time I read it. They break down labor and birth in simple, component parts and even include a glossary of confusing medical terms. Again, mucus plug? Expecting Better covers the whole pregnancy, while true to it's title, The Dad's Playbook to Labor & Birth focuses in on the last few days and hours of pregnancy. We've already passed on this primer to another expecting couple.
Verdict: A Must, but only if you haven't taken a labor and delivery class. I suspect other labor and birth books are equally as helpful.
Book: The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins
This is a classic now in its sixth edition. I only made it through the first section of the book, which dealt with why to breastfeed and the first few months of breastfeeding. The book offered a lengthy dissertation of the pros of breastfeed, instead of getting right into the meat of how to actually do it and suggestions for troubleshooting breastfeeding issues. Yes, I get it. Breastfeeding is good for baby and mom. That is why I purchased the book. Now, tell me how to do it. For me, this book was not helpful, as I needed hands-on help to breastfeed. Instead of offering photographs, the book used line drawings that were not particularly illustative. I started reading the book while pregnant and did check back in with it shortly after my daughter was born, but it just didn't do it for me.
Verdict: Skip it and call a lactation consultant if you need help. This is one time you might consider using the internet for assistance.
Class: NYU Langone Medical Center Accelerated Prepared Childbirth
Over the course of two frigid Sunday's in February, my husband and I participated in this really long class. Taught by an experienced and entertaining labor and delivery nurse, the class covered everything from how to know you are in labor to the delivery to bathing, diapering and burping a newborn. I took notes. The class also included a virtual hospital tour, which my husband and I "took" at an earlier date. (Since the tour wasn't really a class, I won't be reviewing it here, but go on a tour of your hospital. You want to know where to park before you are in labor.) The course offered important information, but by the time we took it, I had already crossed into over-prepared territory. I read the above books, and we already hired and met with our doula who covered many of the same topics in the course. I was hoping that the instructor would spend more time on newborn care, but she spent no more than an hour of the 16 hour (!) course on that topic. I gained very little new information from the class, so for me, it felt like a waste of time and money. Birth classes do not come cheap! I did enjoy being in a room with other pregnant women with similar due dates. It was the first time in my pregnancy that I realized I wasn't carrying excessively large.
Verdict: Eh. The course would be more helpful, if I hadn't already read about many of the topics before attending.
That's all for now. Tune in soon for Part 2 featuring my reviews on my breastfeeding class, CPR class and sleep book.
With my daughter napping next to me and a banana bread in the oven (apparently since having a baby, the only thing I bake is banana bread. . .three times in less than four months), I will finish this post I started over a month ago after participating in an infant CPR class. Of all of the books and classes I used to help me prepare for pregnancy, birth and child-rearing, the CPR class was most helpful primarily because it allowed me to practice a technique that I never want to use on an infant dummy.
I am learning about this whole parenting thing on the job, which makes a lot of sense when one considers that babies are all so different. And so is pregnancy and so is birth. A few months into motherhood, I can confidently say that I over-prepared for something that there is no real way to prepare for. Like any good type-A individual, I was not about to launch myself into the unknowns of birth and parenting without preparation. My husband and I procured a few books, signed up for some classes and interviewed doulas. Some of the prep was helpful, and some, not so much. Based on my experience, here are my "reviews" of the books and classes. The doula needs her own post, but (spoiler alert) she was amazing and an important part of my birth experience.
Disclaimer: my reviews of the classes are specific to the content and the instructor. The same content with a different instructor may have been a more or less worthwhile experience. These are just my opinions; take them for what you will.
As a highly detail-oriented individual, I determined that the best order for my reviews is the order in which I experienced these various preparations. (At first I considered categorizing alphabetically, into books and classes, by pregnancy and postpartum. . .I hope you are enjoying this window into my brain.) I've rated each book or class on a highly sophisticated three-point scale of "a must," "eh" and "skip it."
Book: Expecting Better by Emily Oster
Early in my pregnancy, my husband sent me a link to Emily Oster's blog on Slate. Oster, an economist, approached pregnancy like an economist. She evaluated various studies and even a gynecological text book and presented the data in clear, non-medical terms. Oster turned the premise of the blog into a book, where she shares data on everything from drinking to epidurals, alongside her own experiences and decisions. I found Oster's book incredibly helpful. As a rule follower, I wanted rules for my pregnancy and birth, but every source--be it my doctors (I went to a practice with five OBs with five different opinions), books or the good old internet--disagreed on the how-it-is-supposed-to-be's. Expecting Better broke down the data from which the rules arise, and I found that helpful in the Wild West of pregnancy and birth. This book was a good starting point for pregnancy and birth prep. It gave me the lay of the land for this nine month plus a lifetime journey I was embarking on. Now, if Oster would only write a book on newborns and parenting.
Verdict: A Must
Book: The Dad's Playbook to Labor & Birth: A Practical and Strategic Guide to Preparing for the Big Day by Theresa and Brad Halvorsen
My husband was gifted this book by friends who already had two children and used the book. Clearly, they were in the know. While the book is technically for dads, I had a first go at the book. And boy, did I learn a few things. For example, what is a mucus plug and when should I expect to see one. I hadn't even heard the term "mucus plug" before reading this book. The Halvorsens guide was especially helpful to me because I knew very little about labor and birth at the time I read it. They break down labor and birth in simple, component parts and even include a glossary of confusing medical terms. Again, mucus plug? Expecting Better covers the whole pregnancy, while true to it's title, The Dad's Playbook to Labor & Birth focuses in on the last few days and hours of pregnancy. We've already passed on this primer to another expecting couple.
Verdict: A Must, but only if you haven't taken a labor and delivery class. I suspect other labor and birth books are equally as helpful.
Book: The Nursing Mother's Companion by Kathleen Huggins
This is a classic now in its sixth edition. I only made it through the first section of the book, which dealt with why to breastfeed and the first few months of breastfeeding. The book offered a lengthy dissertation of the pros of breastfeed, instead of getting right into the meat of how to actually do it and suggestions for troubleshooting breastfeeding issues. Yes, I get it. Breastfeeding is good for baby and mom. That is why I purchased the book. Now, tell me how to do it. For me, this book was not helpful, as I needed hands-on help to breastfeed. Instead of offering photographs, the book used line drawings that were not particularly illustative. I started reading the book while pregnant and did check back in with it shortly after my daughter was born, but it just didn't do it for me.
Verdict: Skip it and call a lactation consultant if you need help. This is one time you might consider using the internet for assistance.
Class: NYU Langone Medical Center Accelerated Prepared Childbirth
Over the course of two frigid Sunday's in February, my husband and I participated in this really long class. Taught by an experienced and entertaining labor and delivery nurse, the class covered everything from how to know you are in labor to the delivery to bathing, diapering and burping a newborn. I took notes. The class also included a virtual hospital tour, which my husband and I "took" at an earlier date. (Since the tour wasn't really a class, I won't be reviewing it here, but go on a tour of your hospital. You want to know where to park before you are in labor.) The course offered important information, but by the time we took it, I had already crossed into over-prepared territory. I read the above books, and we already hired and met with our doula who covered many of the same topics in the course. I was hoping that the instructor would spend more time on newborn care, but she spent no more than an hour of the 16 hour (!) course on that topic. I gained very little new information from the class, so for me, it felt like a waste of time and money. Birth classes do not come cheap! I did enjoy being in a room with other pregnant women with similar due dates. It was the first time in my pregnancy that I realized I wasn't carrying excessively large.
Verdict: Eh. The course would be more helpful, if I hadn't already read about many of the topics before attending.
That's all for now. Tune in soon for Part 2 featuring my reviews on my breastfeeding class, CPR class and sleep book.
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