Your Boobs Look Bigger and Other Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

On the heels of my what not to say to new parents post and this Today Show segment on pregnancy etiquette, I am sharing some thoughts about the comments I received while pregnant. And yes, I had two people (in the workplace!) tell me they noticed my growing chest during my pregnancy.

I would like to think that my somewhat unique work environment contributed to the strangeness/inappropriateness/I-can't-believe-someone-actually-said-that-to-you-ness of these comments, but I have a feeling most pregnant women have experienced untoward remarks. Perhaps I heard them in higher volume, as my job involves planning events for large groups of people. That said, if you have been pregnant, you know what I am talking about.

"Your belly looks huge!"

"Are you having twins?"

"You must be having a boy--you are carrying so low."

"Do you plan to breastfeed?"

"Will you get an epidural?"

"How much weight have you gained?"

And there were even more. Daily reminders about my giant belly. One person thought that I had been pregnant so long I must be on my second pregnancy. Don't forget the belly touching. As with the newborn eating and sleeping questions, I didn't always mind the belly touching. In fact, if you asked before touching, I didn't mind at all. I did mind when I walked out of a bathroom stall and a woman I didn't know touched my belly.

Most of the time, the comments didn't get to me. I recognized that being pregnant meant I would gain weight and grow a protruding belly. However, I did walk around for the first eight months thinking my belly was abnormally large (the twins comments may have contributed to this). It took until I hit 30-something weeks when my doctor told me my belly was measuring perfectly normal, and I attended my first labor and delivery class, for me to realize that my belly was not extra large. In fact, I looked more comfortable hauling around my belly than many of the other women at the class.

This is what 9 months pregnant looks like.

The common denominator with the comments and the belly touching is that they are all explicitly about my body. My family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances are kind, good people. I don't think the big belly comments were meant to hurt. Rather, they came out of excitement. I was having a baby and the big belly was proof of that. How wonderful! They wanted to share in my happiness. I was happy. The female body is truly amazing but that shouldn't make it okay for people to comment about it, to ask you if you plan to have anesthesia during delivery or to wonder about your bra size. Being pregnant puts women on display in a way men never experience. Most of the display is positive. Celebrity culture makes the baby bump a fashion statement. But some of the display seems unfair. While pregnant, several of my male colleagues' partners were pregnant. Each of our families were experiencing the same pregnancy excitement and impending changes to our families and finances, but my size often seemed to be center state.

This is all to say that pregnancy made me rethink the way society views women's bodies. I am all for glorifying the pregnant body but not in a way that objectifies it or makes it more relevant than any other type of body. Either we talk about all bodies, or we don't talk about bodies at all. Going forward, I will use the following as my guideline (because I too am guilty of commenting on the pregnant belly): if we didn't talk bodies before you became pregnant, it is not my place to bring up your body after you became pregnant.