How is your baby eating and sleeping?

She's great.

By far, the most common questions I am asked about my daughter (and have been asked since her birth) are how she is eating and sleeping. For the first month or two, I answered with varying degrees of detail or vagueness depending on to whom I was speaking. Now, I just reply, "She's great."

Before my new parent rant about why I find these questions frustrating, I acknowledge that these are not malicious or mean questions. I am an overly sensitive new parent, and frankly, I am still bubbling over with postpartum hormones. Most people who ask how my baby s eating and sleeping have the best intentions. They are hoping for a positive answer, only wish us the best and may be genuinely curious. Since eating and sleeping are a newborn baby's primary activities, people understand these questions to be logical and caring.

Despite my weariness with the topics of eating or sleeping, it doesn't always frustrate me when I am asked about them. For example, I am tolerant of them questions when they are asked by:

• Close family or friends. I know they are asked out of love and care for my baby and my well-being.
• Expectant parents. Pregnancy is exciting and overwhelming; it is only natural for expectant parents to be curious about these topics.
• Other new parents. We are all in the same boat and can empathize with one another.

Now for the rant: eating and sleeping are challenging. Logically, I knew this before becoming a parent, but it is a whole other thing to experience it.

Parent or not, we all have struggles. Often, we are able to choose, or at least have some control, with whom we share these struggles. If you are experiencing difficulty and work or marital strife, you may decide to talk about these issues with family/friends/coworkers/acquaintances who are not immediately involved in the situation, or you may not. This is not so with a baby. Even though a baby's eating and sleeping can involve very personal things (emotions, marital relationships, breasts), all of a sudden you have a baby, and they are fair game. Eating and sleeping seem to be about my baby, but they are also about me.

There are so many politics involved with how we raise our children. We hear that "breast is best," however some people formula feed with great success. Sleeping through the night and self-soothing are the gold standard for some parents, however those who practice attachment parenting might disagree. A baby who eats and sleeps well may or may not be a reflection of how she is cared for, and the same can be said about a baby who sleeps poorly. Babies are individuals, and there is only so much that parents can do to change their child's natural inclinations, especially in the newborn days.

As my baby gets older, I'm sure I will write a post titled: "Is your baby walking and talking?", as developmental milestones can be as touchy as newborn realities. Eating and sleeping may be old news by then, but for now, skip  these loaded questions. Instead, ask to see a photo of my baby and tell me she is beautiful.