What I Love about Queens

After nearly eight years in Queens - eight years in the same building, eight years on the same train line, eight years with shopping, food and anything else one might need outside my front doorsteps - I am moving to the suburbs. Well, technically, I will still be living in New York City, but compared to the hustle and bustle of Queens Boulevard, it is the suburbs.

Right now, I am panicking about the contractor, renovations and move date and mourning the loss of everything I've known for almost a DECADE (I actually like the subway). Seth says it will all work out, but I am not wont to believe him in my current state of overthinking. And generally, I feel incredibly unsettled especially after a long weekend at home focusing on the renovations that haven't begun and the move that is still months away.

Since I am deep in the I can't believe I am leaving Queens funk, I am ringing in 2016 here on The Weekly Salad with a tribute to what I love in Queens. If you are one of my two to three readers, please feel free to add your Queens loves to the comments. As the move becomes more real, I can come back here to add to the list and remind myself that Queens will only be a car ride away. Omigosh. I think the move means I am an adult.

What I Love about Queens (in no particular order)

Food

• Grilled cheese at the Queens Kickshaw
• Israeli salad, bread and hummus at Cheburechnaya
• Pizza at Villaggio Ristorante
• Chocolate ice at the Lemon Ice King of Corona
• Sundaes at Eddie's Sweet Shop
• Salt bagels at Bagelette. A new discovery but WOW.
• Granola pancakes and spinach pie from the Tower Diner

Places

• The Unisphere in Flushing Meadows Corona Park
• The alpacas at the Queens Zoo
• Forest Hills Gardens (my favorite neighborhood in Queens)
• The Panorama at the Queens Museum
• Juniper Valley Park
• The Coca Cola sign in Gantry State Park
• Century 21. I know this is a chain, but I live across the street from it. That will never happen again. RIP to the Loehman's that served all of my shopping needs before Century opened.)
• The Shalimar Diner. Not for the food but for the filming. The Wolf of Wall Street and an episode of Elementary were filmed there.
• Kew Gardens Cinema not only shows independent films but is also cheap!
• Citi Field and the Mets

Miscellaneous

• One of the most diverse counties in the country.
• Seth grew up here and lived all but five years of his life in this borough.
• Our local parent friends. It's been so fun watching all of the babies become toddlers.
• The filming! I love seeing my borough on TV and in movies.

10 Months In: 10 Things I've Learned

In honor of David Letterman's last few months at the helm of the Late Show, I present you with The Weekly Salad's very first top 10 ten list (in descending order of course, but don't take the order too seriously). I've learned a little about parenting and a lot , about myself in just over 10 months of being a mother. This isn't one of those "what I wish I had known" lists. While yes, it would have been nice to have known a few of these things before baby, the learning process is part of the journey. After all, I am nurturing my growth mindset. (Read Mindset by Carol Dweck - it is so worthwhile for parents, managers and just about everyone.)

Without further ado, here are the 10 things I've learned in the past 10 months:

10. The stretch marks fade. The female body is amazing. I grew a baby. How cool is that? Pregnancy is not always comfortable nor is birth or that first postpartum month, but it is worth it. Stretch marks and wider hips be damned; it is a small price to pay for the joy my daughter brings into so many people's lives.

9. My daughter's favorite toy is a paper cup, but our house is filled with baby products. Every parent or grandparent will defend their baby must-haves (I am not a immune. There are a few newborn must-haves I swore by, and my daughter is obsessed with this giant toy). The truth is there really are very few must-haves, but you are going to have a lot of stuff anyway. It is just how it is.

8. Powdered formula isn't sterile. So what? Despite the fear-mongering instructor's warnings in my breastfeeding class, powdered formula is indeed safe for babies (she was right though, it isn't sterile, but then again very little in our lives is sterile). If you live in New York City, go ahead and mix that unsterile powder with tap water, and if your little one doesn't complain, give her the bottle cold.

7. I am ardently feminist. The older I get, the more comfortable I am calling myself a feminist.Whether it is the daily struggle to be a mom and a working professional, the need for national paid maternity leave, the fact that I want to be a good professional role model for my daughter but feel like I am already too close to the glass ceiling or that am scared that 30 years down the line, my daughter will face that same glass ceiling, I feel deeply that women are not equal. And, I want to do something about it.

6. I am different and don't seem to be going back. This article proves it.There must be people out there who have babies and return to their pre-baby selves, but I am not one of those people. I feel totally and utterly changed by motherhood.

5. No, I can't nap when the baby naps. Before my daughter was sleeping through the night, I heard this advice often. It never worked for me. I like my sleep at night Sleep is key to my sanity. Studies have shown that most adults need seven to eight hours of sleep a night. I am one of those most adults. While some people function successfully with less nighttime sleep, I do not. I am my best self, mom, wife, professional, friend, etc. with seven to eight (okay, eight) hours a night.

4. I care too much about what others think. Carl, the wise gigolo on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, said "Nobody truly interesting is universally liked." I know Carl is right, but I am constantly working on not needing to be a people-pleaser and letting go of the dwell. Women dwell more than men, and it makes us less confident; read about it in The Confidence Code. Since becoming a mom, I find there are issues and situations from which I am unable to distance my emotions even after months of dwelling. This is new for me, and something I am working on.

3. I am scattered. I was so together before my daughter. I made lists, checked them off and rarely forgot anything. Over the holidays while baking, I left a tray of cookies in the oven after turning it off. Hours later, post-clean-up and cooling, I noticed I was missing a cookie sheet, which is when I found the missing cookies. My husband attributes my scatterbrain/mom-brain/(post)-pregnancy brain to the new priority in my life. My daughter comes first, so the cookies moved down in the list of what I devote my brain space to.

2. I value my partner more than ever. Sometimes you need to hand the baby over and take a break. Other times, you want to eat before 9:00 pm. My husband does laundry and the majority of our cooking. His work schedule is flexible and cares for our daughter while I often need to work late. We really are 50/50 partners (I do stuff too!), and it makes all the difference. Sheryl Sandberg would be proud. Whether it is a partner, parent or other caregiver, support has been an essential part of my parenting journey.

1. There are no universal rules. Every day, there is a new study on pregnancy and babies. My bottom line is that a baby should be loved and cared for. There are many ways to get to that bottom line, and what works for one parent or baby may or may not work for the next. Advice can be helpful, but it can also be worrisome (see #4). Daycare/nanny/stay-at-home parent. Stay-at-home mom/working mom. Breastfed/bottle fed. Cry it out/don't cry it out. Cosleeping/crib. TV/no screen time. There are a million different ways to parent, and in the past 10 months, my greatest learning has been finding a way that works for our family. A huge part of that journey is shutting out the noise from everyone else. (The one exception is our pediatrician who we happen to agree with on most matters, but even doctors are not right all of the time. Find one that works for you.) My husband and I are writing our own parenting rules in pencil. They change a lot, and that's okay, too.

The Time I Snapped at the Rite Aid Lady

My daughter has had a cold for the past week or so, which means her witching hour (which also happens to be the one evening hour I get to spend with her after work each evening, but that is another post) is extra witchy. To combat her general disdain at being awake, Seth and I bundled the three of us up and ventured out for a before-bed walk. My daughter loves walks, especially in the Ergo, where she has the best view of the world outside our apartment. After a trip to a local discount store for Christmas cards, we headed to Rite Aid because Seth wanted ice cream for dessert (I made brownies last night, and Seth thought ice cream would be the perfect topper). As we walked across the store to the freezer aisle, a woman said, "Excuse me." I checked my pocket to see if I had dropped something, but my pocket was zipped. I turned around to see why she was stopping me, and she said, "Support your daughter's head."

Before I get into my snapping, I need to backtrack. This isn't the first time Seth or I have been told to support our daughter's head. When snoozing on the go in her stroller, my daughter often sleeps with her head craned forward or sideways. While the position looks uncomfortable to most, she likes it. Of course, we used proper head and neck support devices when she was a newborn. But as soon as she could support her head, and the car seat instructions ordered out to take out the newborn insert, her head flopped one way or the other when she fell asleep. And boy, did people like to comment about it. Did they think we were walking around publicly endangering our child? Did they not realize we would straighten her head, and then she would immediately re-position it? We figured that if she was uncomfortable, she would let us know--she was good about doing so in every other aspect of her life.

Back to Rite Aid. "Support your daughter's head." I responded in an aggressive, non-Liz manner. "She's almost nine months old. She knows how to hold her head up. She is leaning back on purpose." And she was. My daughter likes being held upside down. It makes her laugh. It is no surprise that in the Ergo she leans back for a different view of the world. (Occasionally, she even falls asleep in the Ergo with her head leaning back--imagine the looks we get then.) The woman apologized and went on her way, and Seth thoroughly enjoyed my reaction.

You see, I'm fed up with unsolicited advice. I'm cautious by nature and ask a lot of questions. At work, I tell my colleagues that I would rather them ask an abundance of questions along the way, than make mistakes in the end. I do not like failure, although I am trying to become more comfortable with it. (That too is another post.) I am new to parenting, and I want to be the best mom I can for my daughter. Sometimes I google, sometimes I ask other parents for help, and sometimes, I go with my gut. In fact, our pediatrician advises Seth and me to go with our guts more often than not because we know our child. We know her personality and how it changes based on the time of day and how much she has slept. We know which toys she likes best and that sometimes napkins and paper cups make the best playthings. We also know that really we know nothing because the minute we come to expect anything, it changes.

Why is it that having a baby brings on a barrage of advice? People do all sorts of things in their lives other than having babies, but there is something about a little one that begs, "let me tell you how you should be doing everything." What's so unique about parenting and babies is that parents and babies are all so different. As I've heard from many parents, what worked with their first child did not with the second. One child was colicky and the other wasn't. One slept through the night at two weeks and the other waited until two years. One was a champion breast-feeder and the other would only take a bottle.

I have come to discover that perhaps the people doling out all that advice don't even realize what they are doing. They did it one way or think everyone should do it one way, and you don't. So, they have to tell you, "do it this way," before stepping back and thinking that your way may be okay, too. This post wouldn't be complete without my advice. Unless that child is actually in danger, don't judge and don't speak up. And if you must judge, because most of us must, do it later, when that person is out of earshot or when you get home. We are all trying to do the best we can, and I promise, I'll speak up next time I need someone to remind me to hold my daughter's head up.

Everything I Thought I Would Blog About. . .

Way back when I decided that this blog would no longer be dedicated to salad but to mommying, I had a plan for all of the posts I would write. I was journaling at the time. . . a lot. . . and I thought that blogging would give me another, possibly more constructive, outlet for sharing my feelings. Boy, did I have a lot of feelings. The sheer volume of journal entries makes clear my emotional state for the first few months after my daughter's birth. I am thankful that my emotions were a case of overwhelm, lack of control and anxiety and nothing more serious. But, only looking back, do I realize how not myself I felt at the time.

Which brings me back to the topic at hand: all the things I wanted to write about on this blog but haven't. One of those things was emotions. Perhaps one day, I will go back and write these missing posts, but for now, I want to move forward. It is a new Jewish year after all. (Hello, 5775!)

In the meantime, here is an annotated list of potential and mostly unwritten blogs in alphabetical order (see, I'm regaining that control).

Advice
When you are pregnant or have a new baby there is a lot of advice, some of it helpful and some of it not. I strive to be a sieve, keeping the helpful advice and letting the not-so-helpful stuff strain right through. My big take away: every pregnancy/birth/mom/baby is different so what worked for another might work for you, but it also might not. That's okay. People share advice because they are kind and want to help.

Baby Products
Speaking of advice, this is one area where advice proves to be helpful. A coworker suggested we buy the Fisher Price Rock 'n' Play. This low cost, light weight sleeper takes up little space in a New York City apartment, travels well and is a great alternative to a bassinet. When we moved our daughter into her crib, we used the Rock 'n' Play as a place to put her down while we ate or for naps in the living room.

Now that we are past the newborn stage, I realize that products I recommend most are for newborns. Here are a few products we loved: Summer Infant SwaddleMe; Chux and snap shirts.

Wearing a SwaddleMe in the Rock 'n' Play

This is supposed to be an annotated list, so I won't go into too much detail about the above products. In one sentence for each product: flailing arms and crazy reflexes startled our baby from sleep, and the Velcro on the swaddles allowed us to keep her arms down and the baby peacefully asleep (later we used the Halo SleepSack Swaddle when she regularly broke out of the SwaddleMes). Chux are wee wee pads for humans and saved us many loads of laundry--on top of the changing table, when we need to change a diaper out of the house, for projectile spit up. While I didn't give birth to a particularly delicate baby, these shirts made dressing and undressing a newborn with a healing belly button much easier. Seth and I (but mostly Seth) made an amazing spreadsheet newborn shopping list that informed our registry and purchases. Perhaps one day I will share it in full here.

Baby Wearing
That last topic was hardly annotated, so let's see if I can do better. I love wearing my baby. Whether shopping in the crowded aisles of New York City grocery stores or taking the subway, it is simply more convenient not to be pushing a stroller. We were fortunate to inherit, borrow and be gifted four different baby-wearers (is that a real word?). The Ergo and Moby Wrap worked best for us. Seth and I wear the Ergo outside of the house, and I wore the Moby inside (I stopped using it after my maternity leave).

Birth Story
When I was pregnant and home with a newborn, I loved reading birth stories and was sure I would share mine here. Now, I'm not sure. Perhaps I will one day. Birth is a fascinating and amazing experience, and I found it empowering (and yes, painful--oh, the contractions).

Breastfeeding 
Remember those emotions I described in the beginning of the post. I estimate that 95% came from anxiety related to breastfeeding. I'm not ready to write a full post, but breastfeeding did not come naturally to my daughter and me, and as someone who creates a plan and sticks to it, my expectations were not managed for this one. I do want to share my experience here one day.

Doula
A doula is a birth coach, and my doula was a key part of my birth story. I am so grateful we invested in this service. If I do share my birth story, Karla, my doula, will figure prominently.

Exercise
I started running regularly 10 years ago, and I ran up until mid-way through my first trimester when the nausea set in. I did not exercise as much as I thought I would during my pregnancy, but six weeks after birth, I was back on the treadmill walking and then running. I was surprised that I was able to pick up running just seven or eight weeks after having a baby, especially after slowing down during my pregnancy. I have to assume my pre-pregnancy runs were to thank for this.

Failure
At one of the happiest times in my life--I gave birth to a healthy baby girl--I also experienced professional and personal failure. I've moved on from some of these failures, but I am still struggling with others. It is fascinating how one can be so happy and yet so sad.

Hormones: Highs and Lows
Which gets us to hormones. From the oxytocin that immediately bonded me to my daughter to the hormones that made me cry or act irrationally, pregnancy and birth really did a number on my endocrine system.

Journaling
Which is why I journaled. I have journaled on and off throughout my life. Often, the little notebooks come out at liminal times, times of transition and newness. My postpartum journal is an important outlet for the emotions triggered by the aforementioned hormones. One day, I hope to give my baby journals (yes, I'm on number three) to my daughter, so she can read about the highs (her morning smiles) and lows (returning to work) of my parenting experience. Sometimes her dad pops in for a guest post. My writing has slowed down to about once every week or two now that I am back at work, but I plan to continue writing about her milestones and experiences through the rest of her first year.

Maternity Leave
This could be a whole other post on work-life policy as I think paid parental leave is an essential benefit. But, what I intended to blog about are my lessons from how I spent my maternity leave. My biggest takeaway is that I spent the first part of my maternity leave too connected to work. Smart phones make it much to easy to check email while feeding and rocking and doing other baby care tasks that allow for one free hand. With about one month left of my leave, I finally disconnected. It was great. If there is a next time around, I hope to strike a balance between occasional check-ins with work and long periods of disconnect in between.

Natural Birth
I've never understood why a drug-free birth is called natural. All birth is natural whether it is a c-section, an epidural or no drugs at all. Birth is an incredible achievement how ever it happens.

Post-Baby Body
I wrote this one!

Pregnancy
I feel like I should write about those 40 weeks (exactly!) that got me to motherhood. It was a healthy pregnancy, and I worked on the day I went into labor. Perhaps this will be a future post.

Prepping for Pregnancy and Birth
I wrote this one, too!

Returning to Work
This was hard. I so value being employed, but leaving my daughter was really hard. It was another one of those parenting things I just couldn't prepare for.

What Not to Say to a New Mom
I wrote this one, three!

Jersey Belle and Ice Cream Cake

I really like Bravo reality TV. I've been a follower of the Real Housewives franchise for years. Much like ice cream, they are a guilty pleasure. Just as I know eating ice cream is not particularly healthy, the reality TV shows I so enjoy are not particularly intelligent. Yet, you will still find me watching Real Housewives while eating ice cream. So much for health and intelligence!

Every now and then, Bravo reality surprises me. I recently started watching Jersey Belle. I hadn't planned to add another show to my reality TV repertoire (Real Housewives of New Jersey and Don't Be Tardy are currently on--a girl only has so much time in a week), but it was on demand, and I needed something to watch at the gym. Jersey Belle is essentially Real Housewives of Alabama with a head housewife from New Jersey, Jaime Primak Sullivan.I got hooked. Like all of my Bravo shows, it's a little silly. But unlike the other shows, it spotlights real issues: single moms, working moms, playing moms, and most notably, fertility challenges.

In the first episode of Jersey Belle, Jaime's friend Danielle openly discusses her fertility challenges. She has been married 11 years and indicates that she wants to become pregnant. Subsequent episodes show her going in and recovering from surgery for her endometriosis. Many women and couples struggle with fertility due to endometriosis and bevy of other causes. I was pleased to see these issues brought to light in a forum usually focused on gossip, flipping tables and lavish vacations. I know reality TV isn't real, but these episodes dealt with a very real issue. (Jaime also mentions her high risk pregnancy. With her third child, she had placenta previa, a serious condition where the placenta covers some or all of the mother's cervix.)

Maybe as a new mom, I am hyper aware of all things having a baby, and I wish there was more openness about these things on TV. Women should know that, to paraphrase Danielle, everyone has their thing. But it is also okay to be sad about that thing or seek support. I've already written about being a working mom, but I am sure I have a post in me about all of the parenting issues shown on Jersey Belle (I'll spare you). I value privacy, but sometimes, things need to be said out loud. Or on TV. So thank you Bravo execs, producers, Jaime and Danielle.

On a related note, I made an excellent ice cream cake for my birthday. (Reality TV is like ice cream, and the cake recipe came from my friend Sari who worked at Bravo.) Sari's recipe uses an Oreo "cake" base, two flavors of ice cream and chocolate syrup. With her recipe as a starting point and inspiration, I made this cake in celebration of my birthday.

 

It's not as much a recipe as a concoction. Here's what I did (there are lots of opportunities for substitutions):

1. Line a spring form pan with wax paper.
2. Take half a package of Birthday Cake Oreos (or any other type), place in a plastic zipper bag and crush. Press into the bottom of the pan.
3. Spread ice cream over the Oreos until they are fully covered. It helps to let the ice cream soften a bit, and it is up to you how much you use. I used about 2/3 a container of Edy's Slow Churned Fudge Tracks.
4. Crush the rest of the Oreos and press over the ice cream.
5. Put down another layer of ice cream. I used the rest of the Fudge Tracks and about 1/3 a container of Edy's Slow Churned Peanut Butter Cup (my new favorite since Edy's doesn't seem to make the Birthday Cake flavor anymore).
6. Spread about 1/2 a container of Cool Whip on top of that.
7. Top with chocolate syrup, melted peanut butter (microwave for about 30-40 seconds), rainbow sprinkles and Peanut Butter MMs.
8. Place in the freezer for at least three hours to set.
9. Enjoy!

My Post-Baby Body

A few days ago, I was riding the train home, and a woman made eye contact with me and offered me the empty seat beside her. Naive as I am, I thought she was simply being nice and notifying me, a standing passenger after a long day of work, about the two empty seats on her bench. As I was about to sit down, two other people went to sit down in those empty seats, and the seat-offering woman pointed at me and said, "She's pregnant."

Mortified for just a moment, I replied, "I'm not," and pushed my way to the other side of the train car. A few minutes later, my initial shock waned, and instead of my curt reply, I wish  had said, "I was five months ago, but thank you for your support of postpartum women and their bodies."

Most days, I am just fine with my post-baby body. In fact, I thought  looked quite nice in the dress the woman had mistaken for maternity wear. I don't weigh myself often, but if I had to guess, I would say that I am within five pounds of my pre-baby weight. I have a few pairs of pants that don't fit, and my chest hasn't yet resumed its pre-pregnancy proportions, but other than that, I feel pretty good about the way I look. Like many women I know, I have days where I feel fat and nothing seems to look good--but those days have nothing to do with having a baby five months ago.

Pregnancy and birth allowed me to appreciate my body in a whole new way. I grew a human and somehow got her out. What is more amazing than that! And even though, many of pre-pregnancy clothes do fit, my body is not he same. I am truly okay with that. My daughter is worth every stretch mark and varicose vein that it took to grow her.

A few years ago, a woman in my workplace congratulated me on being pregnant. As with the other day, I wasn't, and I didn't think the dress I was wearing gave the impression that I was with child (as someone who owns her fair share of empire waist and blousey shirts and dresses, I do own clothing that could be mistaken for maternity wear). But, a few years go, I was bothered by the comment, and not just in the moment as with the comment on the train. So, thank you pregnancy and birth. You've given me a new sort of confidence. I feel more internally confident because I have experienced what the human body is capable of. While externally, I would like to lose a few pounds and firm up, internally I know that even if I don't, my body can do great things. For her sake, I hope the woman on the train (who in my opinion should have learned this years ago) learns the all important lesson of never assuming a woman is pregnant. (Note to mass transit commuters: this does not mean you shouldn't give up your seat to a woman you suspect is pregnant. Just don't ask her when she is due!)

Your Boobs Look Bigger and Other Things Not to Say to a Pregnant Woman

On the heels of my what not to say to new parents post and this Today Show segment on pregnancy etiquette, I am sharing some thoughts about the comments I received while pregnant. And yes, I had two people (in the workplace!) tell me they noticed my growing chest during my pregnancy.

I would like to think that my somewhat unique work environment contributed to the strangeness/inappropriateness/I-can't-believe-someone-actually-said-that-to-you-ness of these comments, but I have a feeling most pregnant women have experienced untoward remarks. Perhaps I heard them in higher volume, as my job involves planning events for large groups of people. That said, if you have been pregnant, you know what I am talking about.

"Your belly looks huge!"

"Are you having twins?"

"You must be having a boy--you are carrying so low."

"Do you plan to breastfeed?"

"Will you get an epidural?"

"How much weight have you gained?"

And there were even more. Daily reminders about my giant belly. One person thought that I had been pregnant so long I must be on my second pregnancy. Don't forget the belly touching. As with the newborn eating and sleeping questions, I didn't always mind the belly touching. In fact, if you asked before touching, I didn't mind at all. I did mind when I walked out of a bathroom stall and a woman I didn't know touched my belly.

Most of the time, the comments didn't get to me. I recognized that being pregnant meant I would gain weight and grow a protruding belly. However, I did walk around for the first eight months thinking my belly was abnormally large (the twins comments may have contributed to this). It took until I hit 30-something weeks when my doctor told me my belly was measuring perfectly normal, and I attended my first labor and delivery class, for me to realize that my belly was not extra large. In fact, I looked more comfortable hauling around my belly than many of the other women at the class.

This is what 9 months pregnant looks like.

The common denominator with the comments and the belly touching is that they are all explicitly about my body. My family, friends, coworkers and acquaintances are kind, good people. I don't think the big belly comments were meant to hurt. Rather, they came out of excitement. I was having a baby and the big belly was proof of that. How wonderful! They wanted to share in my happiness. I was happy. The female body is truly amazing but that shouldn't make it okay for people to comment about it, to ask you if you plan to have anesthesia during delivery or to wonder about your bra size. Being pregnant puts women on display in a way men never experience. Most of the display is positive. Celebrity culture makes the baby bump a fashion statement. But some of the display seems unfair. While pregnant, several of my male colleagues' partners were pregnant. Each of our families were experiencing the same pregnancy excitement and impending changes to our families and finances, but my size often seemed to be center state.

This is all to say that pregnancy made me rethink the way society views women's bodies. I am all for glorifying the pregnant body but not in a way that objectifies it or makes it more relevant than any other type of body. Either we talk about all bodies, or we don't talk about bodies at all. Going forward, I will use the following as my guideline (because I too am guilty of commenting on the pregnant belly): if we didn't talk bodies before you became pregnant, it is not my place to bring up your body after you became pregnant.

How is your baby eating and sleeping?

She's great.

By far, the most common questions I am asked about my daughter (and have been asked since her birth) are how she is eating and sleeping. For the first month or two, I answered with varying degrees of detail or vagueness depending on to whom I was speaking. Now, I just reply, "She's great."

Before my new parent rant about why I find these questions frustrating, I acknowledge that these are not malicious or mean questions. I am an overly sensitive new parent, and frankly, I am still bubbling over with postpartum hormones. Most people who ask how my baby s eating and sleeping have the best intentions. They are hoping for a positive answer, only wish us the best and may be genuinely curious. Since eating and sleeping are a newborn baby's primary activities, people understand these questions to be logical and caring.

Despite my weariness with the topics of eating or sleeping, it doesn't always frustrate me when I am asked about them. For example, I am tolerant of them questions when they are asked by:

• Close family or friends. I know they are asked out of love and care for my baby and my well-being.
• Expectant parents. Pregnancy is exciting and overwhelming; it is only natural for expectant parents to be curious about these topics.
• Other new parents. We are all in the same boat and can empathize with one another.

Now for the rant: eating and sleeping are challenging. Logically, I knew this before becoming a parent, but it is a whole other thing to experience it.

Parent or not, we all have struggles. Often, we are able to choose, or at least have some control, with whom we share these struggles. If you are experiencing difficulty and work or marital strife, you may decide to talk about these issues with family/friends/coworkers/acquaintances who are not immediately involved in the situation, or you may not. This is not so with a baby. Even though a baby's eating and sleeping can involve very personal things (emotions, marital relationships, breasts), all of a sudden you have a baby, and they are fair game. Eating and sleeping seem to be about my baby, but they are also about me.

There are so many politics involved with how we raise our children. We hear that "breast is best," however some people formula feed with great success. Sleeping through the night and self-soothing are the gold standard for some parents, however those who practice attachment parenting might disagree. A baby who eats and sleeps well may or may not be a reflection of how she is cared for, and the same can be said about a baby who sleeps poorly. Babies are individuals, and there is only so much that parents can do to change their child's natural inclinations, especially in the newborn days.

As my baby gets older, I'm sure I will write a post titled: "Is your baby walking and talking?", as developmental milestones can be as touchy as newborn realities. Eating and sleeping may be old news by then, but for now, skip  these loaded questions. Instead, ask to see a photo of my baby and tell me she is beautiful.

I forgot to take photos of my really good lunch salad

I had a really good salad for lunch. Avocados were on sale at the grocery store, I had broccoli that needed to be used, and at some point over the weekend, a link to this recipe was posted on one of the food blogs I read. (I wish I knew which blog, but thanks to my Pulse app, all the food blogs I read run together.)

I switched up the recipe a bit. I used a lot of broccoli, one avocado and almonds for crunch, but I also threw in snap peas, carrots and a can of tuna that stretched the salad into three servings. The dressing was Gulden's mustard, apple cider vinegar, garlic powder, onion powder and sea salt. Really good. I considered taking pictures, but the bowl looked messy and I had an inauguration to watch. Next time. Since there will definitely be a next time.

Also, I might do some baking today. Since there is no work and an inauguration and it is MLK day. And I am listening to '90s Pandora. I LOVE '90s music. While there are many artists of the aughts whom I greatly enjoy, there is something about '90s music that really appeals to me. One might think I am nostalgic for the '90s--my bat mitzvah, high school, Steve Madden, but in fact, I much prefer the aughts.

I've spent the aughts in New York City. I graduated from college here, joined the workforce, paid rent (and more rent and more rent), got married. . . became an adult. And I think I am doing okay at it. Which brings me to Girls. I just started season one, and I agree with the hype. Lena Dunham is brilliant. To be so successful at 26. Amazing. Much of the show feels realistic. Hannah's relationship with Adam, as much as it is so wrong, seems real (at least through episode five, which is where I am). The apartment where Jessa babysits looks remarkably like an apartment in which I used to babysit. I don't think Marni would choose to live in Greenpoint. She seems like a Manhattan gal. I see her in Murray Hill in a luxury building in a one bedroom apartment with a bunch of fake walls. And Shoshana is real.

What is not real is how Hannah behaves on job interviews and at work. The rape joke at the job interview. Really? And propositioning your boss? I know the show is meant to exaggerate real life, but the Hannah character is too smart to be so stupid at work. Also, it isn't that hard to have a Mac at home and a PC a the office or vice versa. I transitioned back and forth at my first job. No manual required. (Full disclosure: I would not describe myself as computer savvy.)

I have about half the season to go, which at this rate, I will finish tonight (so wrong and yet so right), so I am hoping that Hannah figures this work thing out. I can sympathize with the boy thing, but my mind is boggled by her inability to succeed at work.

Last but not least, I am so pleased that Tasti D Lite made a cameo on the show. I don't know if it was an homage to SATC and all of the Tasti D consumed on that show, but in a city of Pinkberry, 16 Handles, Red Mango, etc., I am glad that Tasti D is still relevant.