10 Months In: 10 Things I've Learned

In honor of David Letterman's last few months at the helm of the Late Show, I present you with The Weekly Salad's very first top 10 ten list (in descending order of course, but don't take the order too seriously). I've learned a little about parenting and a lot , about myself in just over 10 months of being a mother. This isn't one of those "what I wish I had known" lists. While yes, it would have been nice to have known a few of these things before baby, the learning process is part of the journey. After all, I am nurturing my growth mindset. (Read Mindset by Carol Dweck - it is so worthwhile for parents, managers and just about everyone.)

Without further ado, here are the 10 things I've learned in the past 10 months:

10. The stretch marks fade. The female body is amazing. I grew a baby. How cool is that? Pregnancy is not always comfortable nor is birth or that first postpartum month, but it is worth it. Stretch marks and wider hips be damned; it is a small price to pay for the joy my daughter brings into so many people's lives.

9. My daughter's favorite toy is a paper cup, but our house is filled with baby products. Every parent or grandparent will defend their baby must-haves (I am not a immune. There are a few newborn must-haves I swore by, and my daughter is obsessed with this giant toy). The truth is there really are very few must-haves, but you are going to have a lot of stuff anyway. It is just how it is.

8. Powdered formula isn't sterile. So what? Despite the fear-mongering instructor's warnings in my breastfeeding class, powdered formula is indeed safe for babies (she was right though, it isn't sterile, but then again very little in our lives is sterile). If you live in New York City, go ahead and mix that unsterile powder with tap water, and if your little one doesn't complain, give her the bottle cold.

7. I am ardently feminist. The older I get, the more comfortable I am calling myself a feminist.Whether it is the daily struggle to be a mom and a working professional, the need for national paid maternity leave, the fact that I want to be a good professional role model for my daughter but feel like I am already too close to the glass ceiling or that am scared that 30 years down the line, my daughter will face that same glass ceiling, I feel deeply that women are not equal. And, I want to do something about it.

6. I am different and don't seem to be going back. This article proves it.There must be people out there who have babies and return to their pre-baby selves, but I am not one of those people. I feel totally and utterly changed by motherhood.

5. No, I can't nap when the baby naps. Before my daughter was sleeping through the night, I heard this advice often. It never worked for me. I like my sleep at night Sleep is key to my sanity. Studies have shown that most adults need seven to eight hours of sleep a night. I am one of those most adults. While some people function successfully with less nighttime sleep, I do not. I am my best self, mom, wife, professional, friend, etc. with seven to eight (okay, eight) hours a night.

4. I care too much about what others think. Carl, the wise gigolo on Girlfriends' Guide to Divorce, said "Nobody truly interesting is universally liked." I know Carl is right, but I am constantly working on not needing to be a people-pleaser and letting go of the dwell. Women dwell more than men, and it makes us less confident; read about it in The Confidence Code. Since becoming a mom, I find there are issues and situations from which I am unable to distance my emotions even after months of dwelling. This is new for me, and something I am working on.

3. I am scattered. I was so together before my daughter. I made lists, checked them off and rarely forgot anything. Over the holidays while baking, I left a tray of cookies in the oven after turning it off. Hours later, post-clean-up and cooling, I noticed I was missing a cookie sheet, which is when I found the missing cookies. My husband attributes my scatterbrain/mom-brain/(post)-pregnancy brain to the new priority in my life. My daughter comes first, so the cookies moved down in the list of what I devote my brain space to.

2. I value my partner more than ever. Sometimes you need to hand the baby over and take a break. Other times, you want to eat before 9:00 pm. My husband does laundry and the majority of our cooking. His work schedule is flexible and cares for our daughter while I often need to work late. We really are 50/50 partners (I do stuff too!), and it makes all the difference. Sheryl Sandberg would be proud. Whether it is a partner, parent or other caregiver, support has been an essential part of my parenting journey.

1. There are no universal rules. Every day, there is a new study on pregnancy and babies. My bottom line is that a baby should be loved and cared for. There are many ways to get to that bottom line, and what works for one parent or baby may or may not work for the next. Advice can be helpful, but it can also be worrisome (see #4). Daycare/nanny/stay-at-home parent. Stay-at-home mom/working mom. Breastfed/bottle fed. Cry it out/don't cry it out. Cosleeping/crib. TV/no screen time. There are a million different ways to parent, and in the past 10 months, my greatest learning has been finding a way that works for our family. A huge part of that journey is shutting out the noise from everyone else. (The one exception is our pediatrician who we happen to agree with on most matters, but even doctors are not right all of the time. Find one that works for you.) My husband and I are writing our own parenting rules in pencil. They change a lot, and that's okay, too.